Ryan’s Guidelines

The Prerequisites

If you want to interact with me, here are the prerequisites:

  • I don’t interact with anyone who is drunk or stoned. I never am.
  • I don’t engage deeply with anyone who uses drugs or alcohol even semi-regularly. (Psychedelics excepted—you are welcome to talk to me about this.)
  • I tolerate zero physical or verbal abuse.

My Desires

Express to me, as clearly as you can, as honestly as deeply as you can, as early as you can in the relationship: what you want from me or what I can give or do for you.

The Seven Commitments

My standards to you.

I only engage deeply with those who agree to them as well.

  1. I will not hurt people.
  2. I will not take what isn’t mine.
  3. I will tell the truth.
  4. I will keep my word.
  5. I will clean up my own messes.
  6. I will respect other people’s space and boundaries.
  7. If I have a problem with someone, I will talk to them about it.

The Repair Process

If I do not keep those, or hurt you in some other way, here’s what I promise to do when I do:

  1. Name what I did specifically.
  2. Learn what it cost you or how it hurt you.
  3. Fix what I can.
  4. Commit to not doing that thing again.

As long as you do the same, we keep going.

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