I figured out my entire problem today.
That is that I have treated every interaction that I've had with friends, clients, lovers, whomever from the standpoint of being in "consensus reality".
As if there's something real about consensus reality or even if there even is a consensus that there is a consensus reality
First of all, the consensus reality that we're sold from media, corporations, the State...that is absolute nonsense. Whatever you're seeing in the news about what is happening in Minnesota or anywhere else is absolute hogwash.
You know you have to dig down to find the truth about what's really going on. And I'm doing more and more research and trying to find real normal people to help me understand certain events and you will be amazed at how many layers of government, NGO's, funded think tanks and other things are in between you and the truth.
It's as if entire layers of an onion are set up to make sure you can't actually approach the truth on your own terms. It's the first layer of the Trivium and if you can't get accurate information, then you can't begin to think about it effectively.
But if I treat you or act with you as if we're in some sort of consensus reality, I've already lost. Because I can try to speak as if I'm accepting the one that's offered by media or government or the state or some religious organization. And even if I do, it's probably not matching your reality 100%.
I was actually ashamed of having a dramatically different reality for a long time. I thought that my reality was somehow weird or strange or different and it shouldn't be accepted. And I lost a lot of friends because of the reality that I live in.
But the problem was that I felt some shame around that and so I wasn't standing in my own reality and able to present it neutrally in a relaxed space without being defensive or angry.
But now, I see that everyone gets to have whatever reality they want and they can explain it and people can accept it or reject it. And there is no epistemological center point or truth that everyone has to admit...that everyone knows, and there's certainly no reason to punish oneself or feel guilt or shame because one doesn't believe in the same reality that everyone else does.
Of course, they can send you to an insane asylum if they want. Or laugh at you. But if you're able to rationally explain and relaxedly receive whatever feedback you get, it really doesn't matter.
You can only be closer or further from the truth that everyone else is.
And to actually know it would require Divine knowledge that none of us have.
It's the reason I stopped going on podcasts. Stopped making videos. Stop making content. Basically, because I was too weird.
One of my coaches gave me a gigantic speech about this precisely 10 years ago.
It only took me 10 years to get the message.
Nonetheless, I'm glad that I'm finally getting it now.
And feeling free to express within and about my reality and ways that I hope will serve others.